I survived a visit from Uncle Bill.

    Actually, he's my brother-in-law. It's his role as my daughter's uncle that made his visit an ordeal.

    Nice guy, intelligent fellow. The only problem is that Wren thought he walked on water.

    She was only 16 months old at the time. So it wasn't as if she was impressed by his MasterCard limit. I think she most loved her Uncle Bill for the fact that he never said "no" to her.

    How can a father compete with that?

    Uncle Bill didn't change her diaper once. He didn't comfort her in the middle of the night. Nor did he buy her any teething gel.

    Yet when I came home after a hard day at work, do you suppose I got my usual smile and hug?

    Nope, she was too busy playing with Uncle Bill.

    At first I wasn't too dismayed. I actually had time to read the newspaper. Clothes were hung up as soon as I changed out of them. I had even considered taking up a hobby with all my spare time.

    But after two hours of this, I started to miss my daughter.

    So, if I wanted to recapture Wren's affections, I was going to have to fight. I rolled up my sleeves, put on the ol' knee pads and rolled around on the livingroom floor with her and played until it hurt.

    Once we were done, there wasn't a stuffed toy I didn't provide a voice for; nary a book I didn't act out; neither a block nor cup I didn't balance on my head; nor a pull toy I didn't chase her with.

    It worked. I had won her over. Her dad was once again up on that pedestal with her mom.

    But then it happened. I can see it still ... in slow motion even. She reached for a picture frame and I had to explain to her that perhaps that may not have been such a great idea.

    Except I didn't phrase it exactly that way. Instead, I accidentally blurted out the "No" word.

    Fresh from a nap on the couch, Uncle Bill was ready to reclaim his position as "the mostest favourite person in the whole wide world".

    I'm sure Wren went out of her way to coo over her uncle ... especially when that not-so-nice-daddy-who-likes-to-say-no-to-cute-little-girls was around.

    She would bring him books to read; reach up to him for hugs; and didn't spew a single drop of bodily fluid in his general direction.

    Like a schmuck, I would have to watch while I trudged past with full diaper pails to be washed.

    To add insult to injury, my wife considered him a hero when he dismantled our bathroom fan and eradicated the source of an irritating clatter.

    I had every intention of doing that myself ... one day.

    But, as in anything, patience won out.

    Although the energies of a dad are one tenth those of a mom, we still have more stamina than these DINKS (double income, no kids).

    After a few days, the novelty of having a baby around wore off. Uncle Bill was on vacation after all and the lure of the couch was too strong.

    I did have two allies. One was a good book that he started and couldn't put down.

    My other ally was the flu bug. It's difficult to bounce a baby on your knee when you are flat on your back for two days.

    We'll be seeing Uncle Bill again at Christmas. This time it will be on his home turf in Winnipeg and there will two babies to fight over.

    I'll be bringing my knee pads and a good book for Uncle Bill.